Written by: Roscoe |  Print this post and share it with your buddies!

You can get pizza in almost any country in the world. Roscoe makes it a point to have it wherever he goes (he says the best pizza is in Switzerland. Why? The cheese, of course.) But go somewhere other than the good ol’ U S of A and try to order a bowl of red. Good luck. Oh, Mexico, you say? Don’t think so. In fact, an early Mexican dictionary once described chili as “detestable food passing itself off as Mexican.” Must have been some pretty bad chili. But the truth is, chili as we know it doesn’t come from Mexico. We may think it does because they cook with a lot of chilis. But so do a lot of cuisines. India comes to mind, along with most of South America.

NUNS
What do nuns have to do with chili? Well, an old Southwestern American Indian legend originating from the late 1600’s tells that the first recipe for chili con carne came from a beautiful nun who was prone to trances – she’d go into a trance for days – and one day she came out of her trance and wrote down a recipe for chili to be made with venison or antelope. Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

TRAIL FOOD
It is said that chili was first concocted for cowboys while traveling with their herds around 1850. Tough meat braised over open flame with onions and chilis to disguise the taste of the lousy meat.

PRISON FOOD
In 1860 inmates of Texas prisons stewed up a gruel they called chili, and challenged other prisons to do better. Sorry Terlingua, but it sounds like the first real chili cookoff may have been between prisons. But what did the winner get besides gas?

CHILI BABES

Later, women nicknamed “Chili Queens” sold their chili on the road from Chili wagons. A night was not considered complete without a visit to the “Chili Queen” wagon, where these Chili Babes (Roscoe’s updated nickname) probably did more than ladle grub. Depending on the heat factor of the chili, it’s probably where the term “hot babe” was first used. There is even speculation that these same “chili babes” were at the Alamo, which explains how Davey Crocket and Daniel Boone could have lost that battle, undoubtedly distracted. NO GERMAN EVER USED A CHILI
But it is said that a German immigrant to Texas invented chili powder around the late 1800’s. Hard to imagine, though, since there is no recorded German recipe that ever incorporated a chili pepper. Go to Germany today and eat at any restaurant. You may get heartburn, but it won’t be from spicy food, it’ll more likely be from too much saurkraut and beer (not a bad way to go, though). But whatever his motives, we owe that guy a debt of gratitude, because today’s chili…

JUST ISN’T CHILI WITHOUT THE POWDER
You can make chili without real chilis in it. You can make chili without beans. Without tomatoes. Some people even make it without meat (though not at Club Roscoe). But however you make your chili, you just don’t make it without chili powder.

HOW DID HE DO IT? WHY? WHO REALLY CARES?
The point is, chili powder was a great invention. Roscoe speculates the guy did it simply to impress a Chili Babe, make her life easier by not having to chop as many chilis every day. And in turn, she probably made his life a little spicier, if you get the drift. Which, since our goal here at Club Roscoe is to make our food, if not spicier, at least tastier, is the perfect segue to today…

ALL KINDS OF CHILI
Everybody thinks their chili is the best chili in the world. And, truth be told, to them it is. And that’s how it should be. We should eat what we like, and cook our food the way we like it. Here at Club Roscoe there are no food snobs, because there are no rules, only guidelines (see Guidelines). You want to put ketchup on a hot dog, put it on, and let those Chicago dogs howl.

CHILI IS FUN
Hey, you can go to your local coney joint and get a bowl of greasy chili, you can even find some decent, sometimes even good chili at your local pub. But the chances are they’re making it for the general public, so they’re not being too adventurous. Not everyone likes, or can take, a lot of heat. Not everyone likes beans in their chili. Not everyone wants a certain kind of meat. But… almost everyone likes chili. So why not…

MAKE IT YOURSELF
It’s easy, and it’s fun, because you can put almost anything you want in it. All the things you like, and none of the things you don’t. Roscoe would never presume to tell someone how to make their own chili. This page does, however, offer suggestions. There’s a basic technique that’s proven successful over the decades by the Club Roscoe Test Kitchens, and that’s what we’ll give you here.

ROSCOE’S TURKEY/KIELBASA CHILI
That’s right, turkey. Mixed with kielbasa, it gives what we have found to be the perfect blend of taste, texture, fat, flavor, sweetness and all around love. That’s right, we’re not afraid to use that word at Club Roscoe. Love should be in every dish we cook. And if it is, there’s a better chance that it’ll be there after the meal (see above paragraph on chili powder and Chili Babes).

SO LET’S GET STARTED
For a big pot of chili (nobody ever makes a small pot of chili, do they? And if they do, why?)

• 2 lbs ground turkey
• 2 links smoked Polish Kielbasa (Roscoe recommends Kowalski, but use what you like, there’s plenty of good kielbasa out there)
• 1 big red onion
• 1 big red pepper
• a couple, two-three celery stalks
• 2-3 grated carrots (don’t worry, this isn’t some vegetarian thing, the carrots add a nice sweetness)
• chilis

Now here’s where it gets fun: picking out your chilis. Use any or all: Anaheims, serranos, poblanos, chipotles, jalapenos, whatever you can find fresh. Just one word of caution, be careful with the habaneros. Habaneros can be deadly, in the dish you’re cooking, or on your fingers or skin. Use sparingly, if at all. Some people wear gloves when working with peppers. Not a bad idea, at least until you become acquainted with your peppers. (Sounds like a relationship, doesn’t it? Well, it is. Think about it: Sometimes your wife/girlfriend/babe of the moment is hot and satisfying, sometimes mild yet pleasing. The same can be said for peppers.)

• garlic – use at least half the garlic head, if not all
• canned tomatoes – probably 3 big cans
• beans

YES, BEANS!

Everybody knows there are chili purists out there who say beans should never go in chili. Again, make it the way you like it. But remember the operative phrase: the way you like it. Not the way someone tells you it should be. If you don’t like it with beans, fine, leave the beans out (your wife/girlfriend/babe of the moment will probably thank you anyway). But if you like it with beans, don’t be intimidated by someone else’s rules.

ROSCOE LIKES IT WITH BEANS
Kidneys, pintos, or any combination of. If you’re pressed for time, canned beans are fine, but Roscoe likes to start with dried beans, believing the opportunity for more flavor far outweighs the ease of the can opener. It takes a little more effort, but it’s worth it.

Soak your dried beans in water over night. Rinse and return to pot. Now you have some options: you can start with water, but where’s the flavor in that? Why not cover the beans with beer, season with Worcestershire, Cholula, and whatever spices you happen to like at the time, and bring it all to a boil. Let it boil for a while, stirring every once in a while, then turn the heat down and simmer until the beans are tender. Then…

DRAIN AND MASH
That’s right, mash the beans with a potato masher. This will help thicken your chili as well as spread the flavor easier. And you can serve this to your purist friends and they won’t even know they’re eating beans.

GRAB YOUR POT AND GO
Crank the heat to medium and sautee’ the ground turkey. Spice it up along the way: salt, pepper, a little McCormick Montreal Steak seasoning, some Cholula (liquid or powder), and chili powder. Yes, right now, a little chili powder. It’s not just for dumping in at the end, good chili should be seasoned from the beginning.

ADD THE KIELBASA
Let it saute along with the turkey. You can add some beer at this time, maybe about half a bottle or can, drink the rest yourself, you don’t want to get dehydrated while cooking. When the beer is absorbed, add the finely chopped veggies and peppers, then season it all again. You can add some red wine at this time, but be sure to drink some of it yourself, making sure the wine is okay.

STARTING TO SMELL GOOD, ISN’T IT?
Cook this up for a while, until everything in the pot is tender, then add the canned tomatoes, along with a little salt and pepper, and some more chili powder, maybe half a cup or so. When this starts to bubble, add the mashed beans, stir it all together, and have another beer while you watch it cook.

ANOTHER COUPLE BEERS
And it’s time to taste. Depending on your taste buds and how you like your chili, it may need some seasoning, maybe even a little more chili powder. Add a little at a time, and taste again in a couple minutes (or after another beer). Try adding some honey mustard, stir in a half cup or so, it’ll add some zing.

YOU’RE JUST ABOUT THERE – NOW FOR THE SECRET INGREDIENTS
Heat some olive oil in a small sautee’ pan. Fine chop some mushrooms, sautee’ them in the oil with some red wine and Worcestishire until the wine is reduced. Add this to the pot of chili, stir and let it blend in for a few minutes.

YOU’RE THERE
Crack a few (more) cold ones (an ice cold Mexican beer works well here), heat up some crusty bread, and dig in.

IT’S ALL AMERICAN, BABY
And it’s yours.

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-Roscoe