Written by: Roscoe

Ingredients:

Onions – vidalia and red, 6-8, sliced
Roasted garlic – the whole head
Red pepper – chopped
Olive oil, Worcestershire, and Cholula
Paprika
Stock
Rib meat – chopped
Cheese and croutons

Sweet and Sour

1/2 cup brown sugar (or honey)
1/2 cup vinegar (red wine is good)
1/4 cup catsup
1 teaspoon soy sauce
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons cold water

Say What?!

You read it right, Sweet and Sour French Onion Baby Back Soup. What, did you think Roscoe would settle for Chicken Noodle?

After the Mother’s Day Rib Fest, then What?

You had the mountain of ribs, and there were some left over. Hey, it can happen. So naturally, you make rib stock out of the bones. Then what? Rib tacos. Rib sandwich. Or…

A Soup You Never Heard Of

But that’s why he’s Roscoe. So let’s get right to it…

Mountain of Onions

You’re Gonna Cry

Somebody’s gotta chop all those onions, so somebody’s gonna cry. Even Roscoe cries, and not just when he chops onions (there are some movies he won’t even watch with people around, because he knows he’s gonna cry, but that’s for another blog). And we’re talking lots of onions here, a mountain of onions, so get ready, sharpen your best knife, and just do it. Cut the onions in half and slice ‘em up. Sweet vidalias and reds. Red pepper and roasted garlic, all in a pot with olive oil, Worcestershire and Cholula, salt and pepper and a little paprika.

Cook ‘em to Death

That’s a bona fide culinary term, so just go with it. Saute’ half the onions until they look golden and wilted, then put the other half in with ‘em and do the same until they’re all caramelized. Add a few glugs (yes, glug is a culinary term, too) of wine, and a half bottle of beer (drink the other half, you don’t want to get dehydrated). This will take more than an hour, so keep extra beer handy, for medicinal purposes, of course.

Add the Rib Meat and Stock

Bring it all to a boil, then let it simmer.

Sweet and Sour

Mix the sugar, vinegar, catsup, soy sauce, bring it to a boil in a small pan, then mix in the slurry of cornstarch and water and let it thicken, then dump (another culinary term) it in the soup. Stir it in, and let it go for another hour or so.

What’s Better Than Melted Cheese on Soup?

Probably nothing. So grate some good smoked provolone, or whatever your favorite cheese is, toast up some croutons, get it on top of your soup under the broiler, or just do it in the microwave, and get ready for heaven. It’s worth all the tears, ’cause…

You’re Cookin’ With Roscoe

Written by: Roscoe

Ingredients:

ribs – baby backs, figure at least 1/2 slab per person

seasoning – make up your own dry rub with salt, pepper, chili powder, garlic, paprika, etc. etc., and Cholula (yes, it comes in powder form, too)

BBQ sauce – use your favorite (Chicken Shack sells it by the gallon, if you’re in the Detroit area, if not, Catleman’s is good, so is Tony Roma’s, available in most grocery stores, or make your own and share the recipe with us)

tin foil – get a new roll, you don’t want to run out.

Mother’s Day

There are a lot of great places to take your Mom for brunch or dinner, and if that’s what makes her happy, go for it. Take her to a great place like Ernie’s, where everything is delicious, and the service is great. Who wouldn’t like that? Or..

You Can Make Her Proud

Tell your Mom you’ll cook for her yourself. You’ve probably been talking about all the stuff you’re making for your buddies, what with your new membership to Club Roscoe, and maybe she believes it, maybe she doesn’t. So prove it. And just because it’s your Mom doesn’t mean you have to cook some fou-fou fancy-assed hard to make and even harder to want to eat girly food. Have her over for brunch, and you can really fake everyone out by roasting and grilling up…

Ribs!

Baby backs can’t be beat on a Sunday in May, and your Mom will probably think you snuck out to the local Rib Shack and you’re just pretending you really cooked them. Except they’ll be better than anything you could order out. And even if your Mom never believes you did it yourself (yes, all those lies you told her when you were a kid are hard to get over), hey, she’s your Mom, she loves you anyway.

But You Don’t Have A Smoker

Don’t even worry about it. That’s why God invented ovens and barbeques. And tin foil. And as long as you’ve got those three things (we’re not counting the ribs, the ribs are a given here, along with the Cholula), you’re in business. And once she tastes your ribs, you’ll be the best son she ever had. Just don’t forget to get her a card, even great ribs won’t smooth that over.

Here’s What You Do:

Remove the membrane from the back of the rack. A sharp knife helps here, slide it under that almost invisible sheet of unbelievably annoying silverskin until you’ve loosened enough to rip the whole thing off (it can be slippery, so feel free to grab it with a paper towel; if it’s hard to get from one end, score a line down the middle with a butter knife, then pull toward each end). Sometimes the membrane comes off in one pull, sometimes it’s a struggle. That’s why they invented beer. Be sure you have some handy. (To drink, dummy, don’t waste good beer on the membrane, it won’t help it come off).

Foil Is Your Friend

Lay the rack of ribs on a generous sheet of foil. Spread your dry rub on the rack, rub it in on both sides, then do the same with some BBQ sauce. Seal the foil, not tightly, leaving plenty of room for the rack to slide around, and put it in the fridge for at least a couple hours, overnight is better.

The Rest Is Easy

Take the foil pack out about a half hour before you’re ready to put it in the oven, set the temp at 300. It’s best to place your foil packs on a baking sheet or in a shallow roasting pan, in case anything leaks.

3 Hours Later… It’s Grill Time

Take the ribs out of the foil, crisp ‘em up on the grill, brushing on more BBQ sauce.

Serve on a nice platter (hey, it’s Mother’s Day) along with the sides of your choice – cole slaw, sweet potato fries, or whatever you know your Mom likes, and some good rolls.

Keep Lots of Napkins Handy

Try not to get sauce all over your face, not even your Mom wants to see that. And be sure to tell her…

Happy Mother’s Day From Roscoe.

Written by: Roscoe

Ingredients:

1 box Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
6 slices pepper jack cheese – chopped or shredded
corn kernels from 2 cobs of corn
honey

Roscoe Doesn’t Bake

That’s what we all thought, including Roscoe. But when you get a taste for corn muffins and you don’t want some dry imitation from a store, what else can you do? Roscoe says go for it, so you turn on your oven and have an adventure.

Lots of Mixes to Choose From

And Roscoe got lucky: he stood in the baking aisle for quite a while (actually hoping that some good looking babe would come along and offer to help, but it didn’t happen, so much for the myth of the helpless guy getting lucky in the super market), first picked an expensive package from a well known restaurant chain, then said the hell with that and picked up the 46 cent package of Jiffy Mix. And it turned out great.

Corn Muffins With A Kick

If Roscoe’s gonna bake, he’s gonna turn up the dial and come up with something more than your average corn muffin. But how do you do that?

Add the Good Stuff

Pepper jack cheese and real corn kernels — chop the cheese and slice the corn off the cob. That’s it. Then just add it in,follow the directions on the package, and you’ve got the best corn muffins you’ve ever had.

One Last Move

When the muffins come out of the oven, let them rest a moment or two, then take a sharp knife and score the tops. Then pour some honey onto the top of the muffins and let it ooze right in.

You’re Supposed To Let Them Cool…

But you won’t be able to, so just dive right in,’cause you’re..

Cookin’ With Roscoe.

Written by: Roscoe

Who’da Thought?

But then again, why not? There’s Reuben Soup, there’s Sausage Soup, there’s Cabbage Soup, there’s probably even Sauer Kraut Soup (and if there isn’t, there should be). So why no Sausage Pot Soup?

Usually Comes After the Super Bowl

At least at Roscoe’s house it does, cause that’s what Roscoe has for the Super Bowl. And since Roscoe always makes a lot, there’s bound to be some left over. And now you’ll be glad there is.

The Sausage Pot

So What Do You Do?

This is so easy it’s comical. You’ve already got the Sausage Pot, which is bacon and onions and garlic – a good way to start any soup – then mustard and beer – a good way to make anything – then sauer kraut and sausage. And it’s all spiced up with Worcestershire and Cholula, so all you add is…

Carrots, Celery, and Stock

Roscoe makes his own, of course, but you can add canned or boxed, beef or chicken. Just saute’ the carrots and celery (shaved thin), then throw in the sausage pot leftovers, then add the stock to cover. Then just heat it up. Remember, the Sausage Pot ingredients are already cooked, so really, all you have to do is heat everything up.

No Need For Spices

WHAT??!? DID ROSCOE REALLY SAY THAT?!? Well, yes, he did, because… THE SAUSAGE POT IS ALREADY SPICED! Just ladle it out and enjoy with some crusty bread. This soup will get you through the winter, it’s even known to have certain curative powers, chases away common colds and flu (even though Roscoe has not been certified by any State Medical Board, they’ve called him DOCTOR in certain circles). So why not be…

Cookin’ With Roscoe

Written by: Roscoe

Come On Baby, Light My Fire

Winters were brutal for the Cave Man, and you can understand why: no cave came equipped with a furnace. Sure, the Cave Dude could light a fire, but that wasn’t too easy because matches hadn’t been invented yet. Mostly, fires were trial and error, and if the Cave Dude couldn’t get it lit, and keep it lit, well, let’s just say his Cave Babe wasn’t too happy, and she wasn’t about to keep him very warm.

A Little Romance?

You’d think a cozy fire would be romantic. And it is, if you’re in a luxury condo in Aspen and you’ve got remote control to get it going. Or even if you’re in a cabin in the mountains somewhere and you’ve chopped wood all day and prepared the furry rug in front of the fireplace and uncorked a nice bottle of wine and your babe is fully appreciative. But in a cave in the jungle way back when, with wind blowing through and threatening your fire every couple of minutes, and a Wooly Mammoth braying outside, it kind of breaks the mood. It’s a wonder the species ever got any farther.

Then Fashion Came Along

We only think the Cave Man was dumb. Wrong. He figured out right away that his Cave Babe wasn’t too happy and it was gonna be a long winter. So what better way to make a woman happy than to get her a new wardrobe? But since this was before Malls (and way before Outlets), he had to do it himself. Thankfully, there were no glam mags for her to compare what he gave her, so that fur from the Mastodon really did the trick. It wasn’t form fitted or anything, but it kept her warm, and for that she was grateful, and showed it by keeping him warm in the cave that night.

So Don’t Be Left Out In The Cold

Next time you feel a deep freeze coming from across the room – you probably live in a house or a condo instead of a cave, so you’re way ahead of the game – you don’t even have to go out to a mall (and you certainly don’t have to kill a Mastodon). Just get on the internet, order up something soft and warm for your babe, and see what a difference it makes.

See? There’s still a lot to be learned from the Cave Man.

Written by: Roscoe

Nothing Wrong With Canned Beans

Let’s face it, they’re easy. And you can doctor them up to your taste, add this or that, and they’re good. And again… they’re easy. So why do it any other way?

Beans From Scratch Can Be Awesome

And here comes that word again… easy. Really. Easy. And if you’re on this site you’d rather be cooking than opening cans, so let’s get to it.

Soak ‘em Over Night

Nothing hard about that. Just empty your package of beans into a pot – pinto, white, red, black, or a mixture of your choosing – cover with water, and let it sit. The beans will absorb some of the water, so check the pot periodically and add water when it gets low.

Really Only Three Ingredients

Beans, beer, and garlic. Some spices, of course, salt and pepper, maybe a little BBQ sauce if you want, or some A-1, ketchup and/or mustard (optional), but that’s about it. Drain the beans and return to the pot, turn the heat to medium, and warm the beans. While they’re warming, chop about half a head of garlic and add to the beans with salt and pepper, paprika if you like (Roscoe recommends smoked paprika), then cover with beer. Don’t forget to drink some yourself, as this is a long process and you don’t want to become dehydrated.

Cover The Pot

Let it boil for about an hour, adding beer whenever it gets lower than the beans. After about an hour, turn down the heat and continue the process for at least a couple more hours. When the beans are tender, add ketchup, mustard, and/or BBQ sauce to your liking (or not), stir and let simmer for another hour or so. You’ll be tasting the beans to get them right, so keep more beer handy to wash them down.

Written by: Roscoe

What Did Cave Men Do?

Mostly, Cave Men hung around the cave all day, until the Cave Woman got tired of it and started complaining (the first incidence of a woman nagging a man remains unrecorded, but it probably happened around this time).

Time To Go

Nagging is nagging, same then as it is now: “Why don’t you pick up after yourself?” “Are you gonna lay around all day?” “You’re wearing that?” So the Cave Dude had to get out of the cave (bars were invented shortly after this), but as he was leaving the Cave Babe got in the last word: “And don’t come back without something for me to cook, you’re supposed to put food on the table!” This was before tables, of course, as Cave People just set their food on rocks, and furniture was invented shortly after.

The Cave Babe Had Spoken

And in order for the Cave Dude to get back in the cave he had to bring something home for dinner, which, as we all realize today, was a bad precedent to set.

It Became a Daily Routine

Pretty soon the Cave Dude had to get up and out of the house every morning, or the Cave Babe made his life miserable: wouldn’t darn his loincloth when it ripped, and no respectable Cave Man wanted to wander around with holes in his undies; or she’d give him the cold shoulder when he snuggled up to her at night (this was before marriage counseling; hell, it was before marriage). And pretty soon the Cave Babe was telling him what to bring home, too: “Let’s have some wild boar tonight, honey;” or: “How about some shark steaks, I’ll make the tartar sauce.”

And So It Began

Needless to say, the tedium of this life began to wear on the Cave dude, but stress hadn’t been invented yet, so he just kind of put up with it (beer was invented right around this time as well).

Had to Call It Something

So they called it a job, and every Cave Man had to have one, because Cave Women had to have new clothes to show off to each other (this was before fashion, but women were thinking about it even then), and how were they supposed to buy new clothes if their Cave Dude didn’t have a job?

It got really bad for the Cave Dude when they invented shoes.

Written by: Roscoe

Ingredients:

1 can crab meat (6 oz.)
Handful cherry tomatoes (halved)
Can artichoke hearts
red onion (a couple spoonfuls chopped)
green onion (chopped) optional
pita bread
olive oil, garlic, Cholula (mixed together)
pecorino romano

A Christmas Eve Appetizer

Christmas Eve dinner at Roscoe’s is a seafood extravaganza, and what better way to start the night waiting for Santa than with a crab bruschetta. Next thing you know, they’ll be doing it at Rao’s (see Bobby Flay’s Christmas Eve Throwdown, the Feast of the Seven Fishes; Bobby lost).

Brushchetta is Basically Salad on Toast

So you can put anything you want on it. But it all starts with some kind of bread. Roscoe uses whole wheat pita, but use whatever you like: fresh sliced crusty garlic bread would work really well here. Mix a little olive oil, garlic, and Cholula together, spread it on the bread,then top with some pecorino romano cheese, or parmesan, or whatever you like. Put it in the oven and toast it.

Hot or Cold, They’re Both Good

Some like it hot, some don’t. If you choose hot, after you mix your crab, tomatoes, onions and artichoke hearts together with some balsamic vinegrette, place it right on the bread before you toast it, and bake it like a pizza, you’ll know it’s done when it starts to smell good in the oven. If you want it cold, just toast the bread, then top it when it comes out.

And Leave Some for Santa

He’ll thank you, cause you’re Cookin’ With Roscoe