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NOT JUST A SANDWICH
Here at Club Roscoe we consider burgers to be a major food group, along with pizza, chili, wings, and sausage. Ask almost any guy what he wants to eat, and it’s pretty much guaranteed that a burger will be at, or close to the top of the list. There have been men, even outside of Club Roscoe, who have married their wives because of a shared love of burgers. Okay, maybe a few other things entered into it, but think about this: how many first dates include a burger? Case closed. Oh, sure, there are plenty of guys out there who marry vegetarians. Nothing wrong with being a vegetarian. It’s just not very likely that you’ll ever be a member of Club Roscoe. However, having said that, the vegetarian wife who can appreciate her mate’s desire for a burger can always be an honorary member of Club Roscoe.

THE EARLE OF HAMBURG?
We all know the Earle of Sandwich invented the sandwich, but who invented the burger? Well, history tells us that the first burger came out Germany, probably even before Earle was putting meat between two pieces of bread. It was, of course, an accident.

THE SAME GUY INVENTED TWO THINGS AT ONCE
Yes, it was a butcher, in Hamburg, Germany. This butcher was also the mayor of Hamburg. This often happened in European countries, as it was easy to get votes if you handed out meat the day before the election. Think about it: not many dentists ever got elected mayor of a big city in Europe. This butcher, in addition to being mayor, was also an inventor. Puttered around in his garage for years trying to make a meat tenderizer that would alleviate the carpal tunnel syndrome in his elbow, which he got, of course, from pounding meat all day. He finally got what he thought was a working model, but when he put in his first piece of meat, it came out ground instead of tenderized. Not wanting to waste the meat, he made it into patties and fried it up in a pan. His wife came into the shop a little later, saw what he’d done, and immediately fell in love with the butcher/mayor/inventor all over again. Because she knew they’d struck it rich.

CUSTOMERS COULDN’T GET ENOUGH
The butcher’s wife set up a stand outside the shop, cooked up the patties and sold them to people on the go. She wrapped them in wax paper and didn’t even put any ketchup or mustard on them, and she still sold every one they made. One day someone asked what this meat patty in waxed paper was called. The butcher looked at his wife, who was the real brains behind the operation. She thought for a moment, wanted to give some of the credit to her husband, after all, it was his invention that started the whole thing (even though as a meat tenderizer, it was a failure).

NEEDED A CATCHY NAME
Now, back in those days, the mayor of a town or city was called a burgemeester. And since this loving wife was giving away the credit, she called it a burger for short, in honor of her husband, the mayor, figuring this would get him re-elected. It did, of course, and word spread all over Europe about this fantastic new food coming out of Germany, and pretty soon they were flocking to Hamburg for the meat patty in wax paper: the burger.

PUT SOMETHING ON IT?
It was in a beer garden one night that a Swiss cheese maker who’d made the pilgrimage to Hamburg for the new taste sensation had had a few too many steins of lager and accidentally called it a hamburger. The name stuck, the cheese maker took the idea back to Switzerland with him, opened a franchise, and that’s how the “cheeseburger” got started. Then once the Earle of Sandwich got his idea out there, someone put it together with the burger, and here we are today.

THE CLUB ROSCOE BURGER
Anyone can take some ground beef, form it into a patty and throw it on the grill. And if that’s how you like your burgers, there’s nothing wrong with that. But the goal of a Club Roscoe chef is to take food to another level, and that includes burgers. Toppings are important, and the basics are fairly well accepted by most: cheese, bacon, onion, lettuce, tomato, pickle. Even McDonald’s has figured out that concept. But here’s the question: once you’ve got your favorite topping on the burger, what is it that makes it different, and better, than the next guy’s?

IT’S THE MEAT, STUPID
Bill Clinton said that about the economy, but Monica probably had it right (though she was really talking about sausage). There are ways to prepare the meat that will make it tasty, and keep it juicy, even if you make a mistake and cook it too long. How?

PUT STUFF IN IT
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well, it is. Before you form your meat into patties – and we don’t care what kind of meat it is, ground beef, chuck, sirloin, turkey, whatever you like – season and mix it with Worcestershire and hot sauce, at least. Or try a little of your favorite Barbeque sauce. Or teriyaki. Or chili sauce. Or all of it. There are no limits to making it taste good. Use your imagination. Otherwise, why belong to Club Roscoe at all?

STUFF IT
You can stuff more than a turkey, my friends. Try making thin patties. Indent the middle of one, place in your favorite ingredients (maybe caramelized onion and feta cheese, or sun dried tomatoes, or salami and provolone, or anything you think might be good), then put another thin patty on top of that, seal the edges, and cook it up.

THE VARIATIONS ARE LIMITLESS
Chop up some kielbasa and mix it with your ground meat and spices before you make it into patties. Or mix it with horseradish, red or white, it doesn’t matter. And don’t forget to try different cheeses. Just go to your deli and try a different one every time. The burger adventure should never be dull.

ONE OF OUR FAVORITES: THE KAPUSTA BURGER
Kapusta means cabbage in Polish (every member of Club Roscoe knows this, it’s mentioned here for all future members). But this isn’t just any cabbage tossed on top of a burger. This is an old and sacred family recipe that was smuggled out of Krakow during World War I, just before the Russians invaded. It’s a simple recipe, really, for what the family called, simply, “red cabbage.”? It can be made on a stove top or a barbeque grill, and is revealed here and shared with the public for the first time because Roscoe himself believes the world will be a better place for having it. Along with the kielbasa mixed in with the meat, this makes the best burger imaginable.

Now, for the first time ever, the complete recipe:
2 lbs ground beef (or any other ground meat you like, as long as it’s fresh; we’re not that picky at Club Roscoe)
1/2 lb smoked Polish kielbasa (Club Roscoe recommends Kowalski. If you can’t get that, do the best you can)
Worcestershire
A1 Steak Sauce
Hot Sauce (Cholula Chili Roast Garlic works best here, but again, use what you like)
McCormick Montreal Steak seasoning
2/3 medium cabbage, shredded
1/2 large red onion, chopped medium
1/3 lb bacon (some fat trimmed)
1/2 large red pepper, chopped
1 cup ketchup
1/4 cup sweet Vermouth
Horseradish cheese, sliced
Wheat Kaiser rolls, scooped
Beer mustard
Yellow mustard
Salt, pepper

TO COOK:

CABBAGE: Chop bacon, cook in medium saucepan until crispy, drain most of fat. Add chopped onion and red pepper, Worcestershire, A1, salt, pepper, and hot sauce, cook about 5 minutes, or until onions begin to caramelize. Add shredded cabbage, mix, cook about 2 minutes or until cabbage starts to wilt. Add ketchup and sweet Vermouth, mix and cook on high until cabbage is totally wilted. Reduce heat and simmer until cabbage is reduced and delicious, about 40-45 minutes.

PATTIES: finely chop kielbasa, add to ground beef. Add Worcestershire, A1, Montreal Steak seasoning, hot sauce, mix well (just get in there and use your hands, make sure the kielbasa is well distributed). Form into 6 equal patties (about 1/3 lb each).
Grill patties on high heat until down side is charred. Turn over and grill about a minute, place cheese on top, cover for 1 minute or until cheese is melted. When cheese is melted, remove burgers from heat.
Lightly toast scooped buns.

ASSEMBLE:
Bottom bun
Beer mustard (about a good tablespoon, spread over the bun)
Yellow mustard (a dash, about the size of a quarter, spread)
Burger (with melted cheese)
Red cabbage (a good spoonful or two, to cover)
Top bun

Take a bite. You won’t believe it. Club Roscoe does it again.