Written by: Roscoe |  Print this post and share it with your buddies!

Roscoe’s Quick Tips for a Great Bird

Olive oil, Worcestershire, and Cholula. That’s right, start with Roscoe’s Trinity. Mix it up in a bowl and lather it all over your bird (after you wash and pat dry, of course), and don’t forget the inside. Then you can season it, Roscoe recommends a mix of salt and pepper, paprika, chili powder and/or whatever else you like. Easy, yes?

To Stuff or Not To Stuff, That Is the Question

These days, the Stuffing Police are out in force, telling everyone how dangerous it is to put your dressing in the actual bird and let it cook like that, with the stuffing touching the turkey and all those germs and all that bacteria just waiting to kill us as soon as we sit down to eat. Never mind that we might pray before we dine, bacteria beats prayer every day of the week, according to the Stuffing Police.

How Did We All Live This Long?

Our kids have to wear helmets every time they get on a bike, you can’t take a newborn home from the hospital without a special carseat (that costs a small fortune), and if there’s lead paint within a mile, we all die immediately. But wait! Some of us grew up without helmets, without carseats or seat belts, and we even sat in the front seat of a car before we were 24 years old! How did we live through dangerous times like that?! It must be a miracle. Maybe that’s why we celebrate Thanksgiving every year.

Roscoe Says Stuff the Bird

So anyway… Our mothers, and their mothers, and their mothers have been putting stuffing inside the turkey for decades and we’re still here. So if you want to stuff the bird, stuff it, and tell the Stuffing Police to stuff it themselves. The stuffing will benefit from the juices of the turkey breast, and besides that, it’s just plain fun.

Everyone Has Their Own Favorite

There’s an old adage that says never discuss religion or politics in a bar. Roscoe adds one more topic: stuffing. Whether it be bread stuffing, rice stuffing, with sausage, with oysters, or even if it’s a bunch of White Castle hamburgers crumbled up and stuffed inside your turkey, everyone thinks their recipe is the best. And you know what? It is. Why do you think Thanksgiving eve is the biggest bar night in the country? Because all those guys are out there bragging about their stuffing. Yes, fights break out: “You saying your stuffing is better than my stuffing?” “Darn right, it is!” “Why you no good son of a b*%#h, I’ll kick your a#$ right now!” And then the cops come, and the wives have to bail their husbands out of jail, but they’re not even mad, because the guys just say: “I was defending your stuffing, honey.” And it’s all okay. That’s how important stuffing is.

20 Minutes a Pound at 350

A simple formula. Tent the bird in foil for the first couple hours (or roughly half the cooking time), then remove the foil and let the skin crisp up, get nice and brown. When it’s done: 165 degrees or whenever that red thing pops up. Let it rest on a cutting board for 20 minutes or so while you get all the sides ready, then carve away.

Sides

See “stuffing,” above. Again, everyone has their favorites, and a Thanksgiving dinner without them just doesn’t cut it. And they have to be made the same way, or people aren’t happy. So whatever those family recipes are, keep ‘em coming.

Potatoes: Mashed or Sweet?

Roscoe says: both. Skip one, or serve just the other, and you’re bound to make somebody unhappy. Again, the family recipes will prevail.

Pie

Yes. Pumpkin, of course, but again, Aunt Gloria leaves out her banana cream pie, and somebody gets a gun. Or mom doesn’t bake apple pie, suicides rise the next day. I think you get the picture here: don’t forget the favorites.

Leftovers

One of the things we are Thankful for. Nothing better than a turkey sandwich the next day (or that night, if you’ve had an early dinner). Or turkey salad, or turkey pot pie with cranberries on the side. Okay, we’ll admit, probably no one keeps the leftover green bean casserole around, so don’t feel guilty about it. And if you’re looking for something new: Sweet potato and turkey hash just can’t be beat (recipe to come).

And Finally: Stock

Never throw that turkey carcass away! Put it in a plastic bag until you’re ready to make stock, or freeze it if it’ll be a while. Turkey stock is silky and delicious, and easy to make, so if you’re not going to make it yourself, at least offer it to someone else.

If You Eat Too Much…

Just remember, you’re not alone. We all do it on Thanksgiving. That’s why they invented it.

Happy Thanksgiving, from Cookin’ With Roscoe

If you're new here, head on over to my forums, create an account and mix with the rest of the group. You also may want to subscribe to my RSS feed for when I add more recipes and cool guy food stuff. Thanks for visiting!

-Roscoe