Written by: Roscoe |  Print this post and share it with your buddies!

Winters Were Brutal

You think it was easy to keep a cave warm all winter when they hadn’t invented the furnace yet? Sure, Cave Dudes invented fire right away, they had to, but it was still a major pain to get one going because the match was a ways off (a couple of centuries, to be exact).

One Good Thing Came of it, Though

Since it was difficult to keep warm, and activities were limited for the Cave Family because no one had invented the television yet, there were only a few things they could do to get them through a cold night, and the best one actually helped to keep both the Cave Dude and the Cave Babe warm. You’ve probably guessed it, the same thing we do today when we have a power outage and can’t watch TV. And the proof is in the population explosion every nine months after a major power outage. That’s right, more kids are born. Well, Cave Dudes and Babes did the same thing.

Spring Was A Happy Time

Whether they were happy about the change in the weather, or the new arrival of the Cave Baby doesn’t really matter (probably a little of both, though we’ll never really know for sure, because but no one was taking polls back then). But they had to be happy. Who wouldn’t be? The ice was melting and they could get out of the cave and do things. The Cave Dude could get his clubs ready for golf (golf was around back then, though they didn’t call it that – mostly because they didn’t have language yet – but even back then guys couldn’t wait to get out there and hit some rocks with the clubs they’d been staring at all winter). And Cave Babes could get out and go shopping. Oh, it wasn’t called shopping yet (yes, the language thing), but that’s what it was: women wandering about picking out new things for the cave, tired of looking at the same stuff all winter. Unfortunately for the Cave Dude, this was the precursor to jobs, because once you’ve got shopping, there’s got to be a way to pay for the new stuff.

Spring Cleaning Hadn’t Been Invented Yet

Yes, they had a lot of dirt, but that’s about all they had. No hardwood floors, no wall-to-wall carpet, and certainly no vacuums. They didn’t even have a broom back then (brooms were invented quite a bit later, right after floors). So cleaning wasn’t really a priority, though it wasn’t too far off (as soon as Cave Dudes got jobs and went off to work every day, Cave Babes had to have something to complain about when their Dude returned, so they invented cleaning, as in: “Sure, you come home and expect supper on the table like I’ve got nothing else to do but cook for you. Who do you think cleans this place all day while you’re gone?” Even though you couldn’t really tell, because, well… there was still dirt everywhere. But it worked. Pretty soon someone invented housekeepers, and the Cave Dude had to get a second job).

Spring Is In The Air

We’ve all heard that saying, and it was especially true for the Cave Man, as there was no pollution yet, so he could really smell all the flowers beginning to bloom, and the leaves returning to the trees, and just a general air of newness. Of hope, and joy. The Cave Dude would take his babe out for a romantic walk among the new foliage (yes, they had romance back then, though it was a little different, because they hadn’t invented jewelry yet), and they would wonder at the beauty of nature (Al Gore wasn’t warning us about global warming yet).

We Do The Same Today

We get outside and get active in the sun (wait, we’re not supposed to do that, remember? don’t want to get skin cancer). Or we get our Corvettes out of storage and go for a ride (wait, better not do that, either, don’t want to pollute the air with that big engine). At least we can finally sit on the patio and smoke a cigar outside (unh uh, the pollution thing again, and cancer of a different kind).

We’ve Still Got Clubs

Even though our golf clubs are made of steel or titanium these days, and some baseball bats are aluminum, they’re still clubs. And we still want to swing them. And spring means we soon will.

Get The Grills Out of Storage

Cave Men cooked over an open flame year round, but let’s face it, they really had no choice, as kitchens and stoves hadn’t been invented yet. And sure, Roscoe BBQ’s year round, but not everyone does, for whatever misguided reason. But spring is here, so get out there and start…

Cookin’ With Roscoe

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-Roscoe