The First Handyman (History According to Roscoe)

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Cave Men Did Repairs

You wouldn’t think a Cave Man had to fix much in the cave, but you’d be wrong. Even though the floors were dirt (Pergo hadn’t been invented yet), and the ceilings were made of rock (shingles were a long way off), they always had leaks. And since buckets hadn’t been invented yet to catch the drippings, the Cave Babe got pretty annoyed when her leopard skin rug got wet. Cave Dudes tried to plug the holes, but it was extremely frustrating. Even the Cave Man knew that…

Water Always Wins

And this was way before the Grand Canyon.

We Know Things Today

We know that the checkbook is the most important tool in the toolbox. But even though Cave Men didn’t have tools (hammers hadn’t been invented yet), the checkbook wasn’t far off, since the Cave Babe needed a way to stretch the family budget, and there was no money (cash didn’t come around until after the barter system), so Cave Babes just made a checkmark in the dirt, and somehow they got their way (the actual checkbook came later, after writing was invented).

Cave Babes Were Impatient

They didn’t want to wait for their Cave Dude to come home from hunting Sabre Tooth Tigers or dinosaurs, so they recruited other Cave Dudes to do the work (this was long before unemployment, so there were lots of Cave Dudes hanging around looking for something to do).

No Home Depot

You think the First Handyman could just run down to the local hardware for a couple of nails so Cave Babes could hang up their leopard skin tops? No way. Nails hadn’t even been invented yet (though we’re grateful that leopard print tops were).

No Radio

You couldn’t just tune in to the local station and get helpful hints, either, so Cave dudes had to improvise. Whenever they discovered a way to fix something, they shared it with other Cave Dudes, and that’s how unions got started (they didn’t call them unions back then, because no one had invented dues yet).

The First Hammer Was An Accident

A Cave Dude was pounding a stick in the ground with a rock, but he couldn’t get much leverage, so he tied the rock to the stick and started swinging it around. He didn’t get much work done after that, because that’s really how the first golf club got invented, too.

There’s Always Work to be Done

And somehow not enough time to do it, even back in the days of the Cave Man (remember how golf got started). But sooner or later, someone’s gotta do the job, so next time you’ve got a leaky faucet, or a creaky floorboard, and you don’t know what to do or how to do it…

Tune In To WJR

And listen to the Master Handyman, Glenn Haege. And though he’s been on the air for 30 years now, he’s not quite as old as a Cave Man, but he’s a lot wiser

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