Written by: Roscoe |  Print this post and share it with your buddies!

It Wasn’t A Tie

A Cave Kid wanted to show his Cave Man Dad how much he loved him but he didn’t know what to get. They hadn’t invented ties yet, or socks. In fact, there wasn’t even a department store to shop for anything (shopping hadn’t been invented yet, which explained why Cave Babes were always on edge; yes, the caves were always cold and there were dangerous beasts all around, but Cave Babes still had the urge to shop that was totally unfulfilled at that particular point in time).

It Had To Be Meaningful

The Cave Kid was really stumped. His Cave Dad had all the clothes he needed, as that over-the-shoulder animal skin seemed enough at the time, and when it got cold, they just put another animal skin over the other shoulder (fashion hadn’t really been invented yet, though Cave Babes were thinking about it).

What Did The Cave Dad Need?

Besides Cholula, you mean? Well, what did he use most? His club, of course. The Cave Kid realized that his Cave Dad could always use another club: maybe a smaller one, or a lighter one, or even a bigger one, a club for every occasion. Maybe a fancy club for when he took his Cave Babe out for a nice evening (whatever that consisted of in those days, probably a quiet stroll through a nearby jungle, or maybe just lying on a rock together under the moonlight, contemplating their future in romantic grunts; no matter what it was, he needed a club with him at all times, to fend off wild creatures that might want to harm his Babe and look manly doing it).

That’s How It Started

After they invented stores, kids could find their Dads all kinds of gifts, but probably none was appreciated more than the good old club.

A Club Is Not Appropriate Today, Though

Very politically incorrect to buy Dad a club today (unless it’s a golf club). So we’re stuck with practical stuff like ties and socks, t-shirts that say “World’s Best Dad” on them, or maybe useful stuff like tools, or hats that say “World’s Best Dad” on them.

Why Not Get Something He’ll Like?

Something for the grill is always good (this is Club Roscoe, did you think we’d keep talking about clothes?), and when we say something for the grill, we mean something to COOK on the grill.

A Case Of Steaks

Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? A case of meat will go over big with Dad, guaranteed. You don’t even have to cook it. He’ll be more than happy to do it himself. Or a bag full of good hot dogs or sausage. Along with a case of beer, you’re headed for a pretty good Father’s Day, in our book. Or…

Roscoe Recommends:

A case of Cholula. Or at least a sampler of every flavor they make. And throw in a big bottle of Worcestershire and a jug of olive oil, and Dad’s eyes will light up, ’cause he’s probably read the blog on Roscoe’s Trinity and has been meaning to get it himself.

That’s Why They Invented The Stuff

Booze. A good bottle of bourbon or Scotch, or Vodka or Gin if that’s his preference, so he can relax on the hammock with his favorite drink. And don’t forget the mix and the limes.

Everyone Wins On Father’s Day

You know he’ll appreciate everything we’ve mentioned here. And even if you’re a Dad and your kids got you cuff links or a sweater, you still know they love you. They just didn’t feel it was appropriate to get you a club (because they didn’t know about Club Roscoe, you can help them with that).

So Get Yourself The Good Stuff

Go ahead, buy yourself something for Father’s Day, you deserve it at least as much as the Cave Man, even though he didn’t have cars or gas grills or even shoes to ease the burden of everyday life. He did have a wife and kids though (even though they hadn’t invented marriage yet), or at least a Cave Babe of the moment, so we can still identify with each other on a certain level. Because on one level for sure, we all want to be…

Cookin’ With Roscoe