Written by: Roscoe |  Print this post and share it with your buddies!

The Original BBQ

You might think Cave Men had it rough, but they never had to worry about running out of propane. Or being ready to fire up their grill and finding an empty bag of charcoal. If a Cave Dude wanted to cook (or, more than likely, when his Cave Babe told him if he didn’t start the fire, he wasn’t going to eat that night), all he had to do was gather up some tree branches (there were a lot of trees then, this was before Al Gore said we had to save them) and start them on fire (no easy task, though, since matches hadn’t been invented yet, but Cave Dudes were pretty industrious, they used what they had: just rubbed those branches together until they got smoke, which gave them the idea for cigars, but that’s another blog).

No Rubs, No Marinades

Cave Men were cooks, not Chefs. They were simple guys (not to be confused with dumb) who only wanted a nice life for themselves and their Cave Families. But don’t start thinking that they didn’t care about prestige. Cave Dudes were as proud as the next guy. The reason they didn’t consider themselves Chefs when they cooked was that they hadn’t invented the hat yet. Everyone knows you can’t be a Chef unless you have a Chef’s Hat (or unless you’re on the Food Network, and TV was a LONG way off). So Cave Dudes had to be satisfied with the love they got from their Cave Babes, the appreciation they knew their Cave Kids had in their hearts, if not in their heads (child psychiatry hadn’t been invented yet, so Cave Kids still liked their parents). And you know what?…

They All Got Along Fine

Right up until someone invented jobs (throughout history, there is no known record of the person who invented the job; who would actually admit to such a thing?). Surely, it was an accident, but once the first Cave Dude was tricked into taking that first job, it was all over for the rest of us. Cave Babes just expected their Dudes to have a job. Cave Kids started bragging to each other: “My Dad’s a Bronto wrangler!” “Yeah, well my Dad traps T-Rexes!” And that’s how it all started.

Now Everything Has To Be Better

And maybe that’s not such a bad thing. After all, who really wants to go back to rubbing sticks together to get fire? Even Cave Men didn’t want to do that (huge pain in the you-know-what, though they never admitted it), that’s why they invented the match. And we all like our cars, even though environmentalists and Senators (and now a President) tell us we’ll never get enough gas mileage and we’re ruining the ozone. Cave Dudes never worried about the ozone, even though it is believed that dino gas was the first real contributor to its destruction, so maybe they should have. But they had other things on their minds, like keeping their job so the unemployment rate wouldn’t creep up and ruin their economy (this was after the economy was invented; the economy was always around, they just called it something else: life).

Summer Is Grilling Time

Even though it was always grilling time for the Cave Man, he liked it best in the summer. How could he not? He manned the spit and his Cave Babe was there at his side, and it was warmer, so she wore less animal skin (this was right around the time cleavage was invented). And life was good.

So Here At Club Roscoe

We try to keep it simple. No Chef’s Hat, even though we have hats now (hats were invented one especially cold winter by a Cave Babe who had extra fur after she’d lined her loincloth). We’re just cooks, though sometimes pretty good ones. We like aprons, especially the ones that say…

Life’s Good, When You’re Cookin’ With Roscoe