Written by: Roscoe

Ingredients:

Pork Tenderloin (1 for every 3-4 people)

Rub: Montreal Steak, smoked paprika, Cholula powder

Marinade: Olive Oil, Worcestershire, Cholula

tortillas - corn or flour

Guacamole’

Salsa

1 hot grill

Beer or Margaritas (to stay hydrated while grilling)

Another Kind of Carnitas

When you’re talking pork, it doesn’t get much more tender than pork tenderloin. Buy ‘em separately at your butcher’s, or in a pack from Costco or Sam’s, they’re a great deal.

Chop it up

Summer Grilling

It doesn’t take long, either. A few minutes to sear all around, then let them cook up till they’re still a little soft to the touch, say medium, around 140 with a thermometer (Roscoe don’t need no stinking thermometer). Let ‘em rest a couple minutes (if you can resist), then chop ‘em up right at the grill or picnic table, heat up a few tortillas, corn or flour (Roscoe recommends corn), slather with some Guacamole and salsa, and you’ll forget you ever heard of Taco Bell (besides, they don’t serve Margaritas there). Or… keep it simple: drizzle the pork with your favorite BBQ sauce and wrap it a tortilla. We love simple at Club Roscoe. Read the rest of this entry »

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-Roscoe

Written by: Roscoe

The 4th of July happens every year. That’s a law. And it goes forward in time, and we keep celebrating it every year, with fireworks, usually, and hot dogs and lots of mustard and ketchup.

Cave Men Celebrated, Too

If it happens every year, then it stands to reason that it always happened every year: There was always a day that was the 4th of July, whether anyone called it that or not. Certainly, Cave Men never called it that, they hadn’t invented calendars yet. But they probably had a celebration around that time every year - cooked up some bronto dogs and at the end of the night threw their burning coals into the air, where they would catch nearby leaves on fire, and the whole jungle would start to crackle and pop. Cave Dudes thought this was pretty cool, so pretty soon they brought their Cave Babes over to watch, and that’s how the tradition got started. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by: Roscoe

The Original BBQ

You might think Cave Men had it rough, but they never had to worry about running out of propane. Or being ready to fire up their grill and finding an empty bag of charcoal. If a Cave Dude wanted to cook (or, more than likely, when his Cave Babe told him if he didn’t start the fire, he wasn’t going to eat that night), all he had to do was gather up some tree branches (there were a lot of trees then, this was before Al Gore said we had to save them) and start them on fire (no easy task, though, since matches hadn’t been invented yet, but Cave Dudes were pretty industrious, they used what they had: just rubbed those branches together until they got smoke, which gave them the idea for cigars, but that’s another blog).

No Rubs, No Marinades

Cave Men were cooks, not Chefs. They were simple guys (not to be confused with dumb) who only wanted a nice life for themselves and their Cave Families. But don’t start thinking that they didn’t care about prestige. Cave Dudes were as proud as the next guy. The reason they didn’t consider themselves Chefs when they cooked was that they hadn’t invented the hat yet. Everyone knows you can’t be a Chef unless you have a Chef’s Hat (or unless you’re on the Food Network, and TV was a LONG way off). So Cave Dudes had to be satisfied with the love they got from their Cave Babes, the appreciation they knew their Cave Kids had in their hearts, if not in their heads (child psychiatry hadn’t been invented yet, so Cave Kids still liked their parents). And you know what?… Read the rest of this entry »

Written by: Roscoe

Salmon - 1 piece per person

olive oil, Worcestershire, Cholula

Salt and pepper, Old Bay, smoked paprika

Glaze - preserves, bourbon, brown sugar, honey mustard

Cave Men Ate Fish

In fact, it was easier for the Cave Dude to catch a fish than it was to trap a baby Bronto. Brontos were a lot smarter than anyone thought they were, and Cave Men found that out early when they tried to corral a couple of them in an attempt to have a steady supply of meat. But the Brontos kept breaking down the fences (they had fences then, Cave Babes made their Cave Dudes put them up to keep the animals away from the caves), and it took a long time to chase them down (no GPS back then), so they had to look elsewhere for their dinner. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by: Roscoe

Red Beans and Rice

Ingredients:

1 bag small red beans (16 oz.)
1 red onion - chopped
1 red pepper - chopped
3-5 cloves garlic - chopped

Beer or broth or beer and broth (enough to cover your beans)

olive oil, Worcestershire, Cholula

1 ham hock
1 link kielbasa (or your favorite sausage, or use a mixture of sausages)

Salt and pepper; smoked paprika, ancho, bacon salt, other favorite spices

chili vinegar or red wine vinegar

Rice - whatever kind you like; Roscoe recommends long grain brown

The Perfect Protein

Beans and Rice has been a staple in so-called poor countries for centuries, but to us at Club Roscoe, the definition of poor comes out to be: Cookin’ With Roscoe. Give us poor any time, if it means you’re eating something this good. At least it is when we cook it.

A Favorite In New Orleans

The city that brought us Gumbo and Jambalaya, practically food groups of their own, keeps Red Beans and Rice alive and well in the culinary hierarchy of this country, poor or not. And that’s as it should be, because it’s always been one of Roscoe’s favorites. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by: Roscoe

It Wasn’t A Tie

A Cave Kid wanted to show his Cave Man Dad how much he loved him but he didn’t know what to get. They hadn’t invented ties yet, or socks. In fact, there wasn’t even a department store to shop for anything (shopping hadn’t been invented yet, which explained why Cave Babes were always on edge; yes, the caves were always cold and there were dangerous beasts all around, but Cave Babes still had the urge to shop that was totally unfulfilled at that particular point in time).

It Had To Be Meaningful

The Cave Kid was really stumped. His Cave Dad had all the clothes he needed, as that over-the-shoulder animal skin seemed enough at the time, and when it got cold, they just put another animal skin over the other shoulder (fashion hadn’t really been invented yet, though Cave Babes were thinking about it).

What Did The Cave Dad Need?

Besides Cholula, you mean? Well, what did he use most? His club, of course. The Cave Kid realized that his Cave Dad could always use another club: maybe a smaller one, or a lighter one, or even a bigger one, a club for every occasion. Maybe a fancy club for when he took his Cave Babe out for a nice evening (whatever that consisted of in those days, probably a quiet stroll through a nearby jungle, or maybe just lying on a rock together under the moonlight, contemplating their future in romantic grunts; no matter what it was, he needed a club with him at all times, to fend off wild creatures that might want to harm his Babe and look manly doing it). Read the rest of this entry »

Written by: Roscoe

Cave Men Had No Trinity

They had a club. (Sometimes) they had fire. They had Cave Babes. But Cave Men didn’t have much in the way of spices for their food. It’s documented that a Cave Dude stepped on a garlic bulb one day while sneaking up on a baby bronto (a delicacy, the babies were more tender than the adults), but the only thing he did with it for a few decades was bash it around with his club, aiming for various holes in the landscape (yes, the precursor to golf). Then, about a century later, a Cave Dude was in a funk one day (his Cave Babe was giving him a hard time about finding a job), and to relieve his frustration, started pounding on a nearby clove (garlic cloves were always nearby, because Cave Men were always practicing their golf game - it wasn’t called golf yet, of course, but they called their club a club, and that was the start of it). Anyway, the garlic clove came apart, got smashed up, and ended up on the Cave Dude’s fingers when he cleaned up the mess he’d made (didn’t want to make his Cave Babe any madder than she was). When he started cooking, the garlic on his hands transferred to the dino chops he was making (yes, it sounds unsanitary to us, but Cave Dudes weren’t that concerned with kitchen cleanliness, as they didn’t have kitchens yet). But for some reason that dino chop tasted a whole lot better that day, and that’s how rubs got started.

Back To The Trinity

Emeril has his: celery, onions, and peppers (green or red). It’s used to begin almost every dish. Gives a start to flavor and substance, and helps make things taste better. After all, that’s why we cook, isn’t it?

More Basic Than That

Here at Club Roscoe we use Emeril’s trinity, and it’s a good start. But we’ve discovered an even more important combination, and it makes almost everything taste better, even the basic trinity. If you’ve been on the site for a while you probably already know what it is. If you listened to the Interview with The Handyman, you definitely know what it is. But maybe there are a few out there who never picked it up, through no fault of your own, which is why we’re pointing it out here. So there’ll be no one left uneducated. So everyone has a chance at making their food taste better. Drum roll please…

Roscoe’s Trinity: Olive Oil, Worcestershire, and Cholula

Think about it: you can use it in or on almost everything, from eggs to pasta and rice, to burgers, steak, and some of the toppings on your pizza. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by: Roscoe

First It Was Rachael Ray

She came to the Auto Show in Detroit, and the next thing you know she’s making Kielbasa Reubens. But don’t take this the wrong way, that’s why we love Rachael Ray. She doesn’t just do girly food, she does food everyone will like (like Roscoe does). Plus, she’s cute, so that pretty much gives her absolution on just about everything. Steal from Roscoe? Any time, Rachael. What else would you like? It’s yours.

Now The Detroit News

Yes, everyone in Detroit knows the Red Wings are in the Stanley Cup finals. And really, Roscoe has been called a genius on numerous occasions (well, okay, it was just that once when he came up with the idea for a website, but hey, it could happen again), but it doesn’t take much brain power to put chicken wings together with the Red Wings (even Roscoe admits that).

Now Everyone’s Doing It

So with this blatant theft of Roscoe’s wings concept by the Detroit News Food Section (yeah, yeah, we know: imitation is the sincerest form of flattery), it’s official:

Roscoe Sets The Pace

Others follow. And truth be told, all they did in the News was take the wings connection. They don’t do red wings for the Red Wings (see Roscoe’s Red Wings), and they suggest serving the wings with black bean dip. They couldn’t come up with red bean dip? And these people get paid? At least they tell you to use red plastic cups. Duh… How about Red Beans and Rice? In other words, they tried. So go ahead, go to Detroit News Chicken wings are perfect game plan for a Red Wings party article. They’ve got some nice pictures.

What This Really Means

Everyone wants to be Cookin’ With Roscoe.

And we like that.

Next they’ll be doing stories about Cave Men.